How Long Does It Take To Get Over A Cheating Spouse?

By James Loh SG PI

Finding out that your spouse has been unfaithful is one of the most painful experiences anyone can go through. The betrayal, the lies, and the sudden collapse of everything you believed in can leave you feeling lost and broken.

If you’re wondering, how long does it take to get over a cheating spouse? You’re not alone. The truth is, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. Some people move on within months, while others take years to rebuild their sense of self and trust.

What matters most isn’t just time—it’s what you do with it. Healing is possible, whether you choose to stay and rebuild or walk away and start fresh. And while it might feel like you’ll never recover, know this: you will.

This article will help you understand what to expect, how to move forward, and how to take back control of your emotional well-being.

Table of Contents

The Emotional Phases Of Healing

The journey to recovery is not linear. Many experience these common emotional stages:

1. Shock And Denial

Finding out about a spouse’s infidelity can feel surreal. You may struggle to accept the reality and hope it’s all a misunderstanding. This stage can last from a few days to weeks, depending on how the truth unfolds.

2. Anger And Betrayal

Once reality sets in, feelings of rage and hurt take over. You may replay the betrayal in your mind, asking why this happened. Was it my fault? These emotions are valid and can persist for months.

3. Sadness And Grief

Grieving the loss of trust, security, and the relationship you once had is a natural part of healing. Some experience deep sadness, loneliness, and even depression. This phase can last anywhere from several months to over a year.

4. Acceptance And Rebuilding

Over time, the pain starts to ease. You gain clarity on what you want—whether that’s repairing the marriage or moving on. Those who actively work on themselves, seek counselling, or build new routines tend to recover faster.

Factors That Affect Your Healing Timeline

While there’s no fixed timeframe for getting over a cheating spouse, these factors can influence how long it takes:

The Length Of The Relationship: The longer you’ve been together, the harder it can be to let go. Years of shared experiences take time to process.
Whether You Stay Or Leave: If you choose to work through the betrayal, recovery may take longer due to the effort required to rebuild trust. Ending the marriage could help you heal sooner, but only if you process your emotions properly.
Support System: Talking to trusted friends, family, or a professional can make a big difference in how you cope.
Self-Care And Therapy: Seeking infidelity counselling, engaging in personal growth activities, or rediscovering hobbies can speed up the healing process.
Your Spouse’s Behaviour: If they are remorseful and make genuine efforts to repair the damage, it may aid in healing. On the other hand, if they dismiss your pain or continue lying, it can make moving on much harder.

1. Allow Yourself To Feel

Pain, anger, sadness, confusion—these emotions are all natural after discovering betrayal. Many people try to suppress these feelings to appear strong or avoid overwhelming themselves. However, ignoring your emotions only delays healing. Instead, permit yourself to grieve

Cry if you need to. Emotional release is a step toward healing.
Write down your thoughts in a journal. Seeing your feelings on paper can help you process them.
Speak to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist. Talking about your experience helps validate your emotions and makes you feel less isolated.
Don’t judge yourself for how you feel. Every reaction is valid whether you’re numb, enraged, or heartbroken.

2. Set Boundaries

Betrayal shifts the dynamics of a relationship, making clear boundaries more important than ever. The type of boundaries you set depends on whether you choose to stay or leave.

If you stay in the relationship: Set expectations for rebuilding trust. This could include transparency with communication, changes in behaviour from your spouse, or therapy sessions to navigate the recovery process. Trust takes time to restore, and clear boundaries ensure both parties understand what is needed to move forward.
If you leave the relationship: Emotional and physical space is necessary for healing. Avoid unnecessary contact, mute or block your spouse on social media if it’s affecting your mental well-being, and create a routine that prioritises your needs.
For both situations: Be firm about what you will and will not tolerate. If your spouse continues to lie, dismiss your feelings, or make empty promises, reconsider whether staying is the best choice for you.

Boundaries are not about punishment—they are about protecting your peace and ensuring you do not accept anything that diminishes your self-worth.

3. Focus On Self-Care

During emotional distress, it’s easy to neglect yourself, but prioritising self-care is essential for recovery. Taking care of your mental, emotional, and physical well-being will not erase the pain, but it will strengthen your ability to cope with it.

Move your body. Exercise releases endorphins, which help reduce stress and improve mood. Even a simple walk in the park can be therapeutic.
Nourish yourself. A healthy diet impacts mental health. Avoid excessive junk food, alcohol, or anything that numbs emotions instead of helping you process them.
Try new activities. Rediscover old hobbies or take up something new—whether it’s painting, hiking, or travelling. Engaging in things you enjoy reminds you that happiness still exists beyond the betrayal.
Surround yourself with positive influences. Spend time with friends and family who uplift you rather than those who encourage resentment or destructive behaviour.

Self-care is not about ignoring the pain but about making choices that contribute to your overall well-being.

4. Seek Professional Help

Infidelity is an emotionally complex issue, and sometimes, personal coping mechanisms are not enough. Seeking professional support can provide guidance, structure, and emotional relief.

Infidelity counselling: A trained therapist can help you process your emotions, rebuild self-confidence, and guide you in making decisions that align with your best interests.
Support groups: Talking to others who have been through similar experiences can be empowering and validating. You are not alone in this.
Marriage counselling (if staying together): If you and your spouse decide to work through the betrayal, couples therapy can facilitate honest communication and provide tools to rebuild trust.

Professional guidance can prevent you from feeling stuck and help you navigate this challenging period with clarity.

5. Don’t Compare Your Healing To Others

There is no universal timeline for getting over infidelity. Some people take months to move forward, while others take years. What matters most is your journey.

Avoid social media comparisons. Seeing other people’s “perfect” relationships online can make you feel like you’re falling behind, but what you see is often far from reality.
Don’t let others dictate your healing process. Well-meaning friends may say, “You should be over this by now,” but only you know what you need to heal.
Embrace progress, not perfection. Some days will be easier than others. Moving forward doesn’t mean never feeling sad again—it means allowing yourself to heal while still honouring your emotions.

Conclusion About Getting Over A Cheating Spouse

Healing after infidelity is a deeply personal process. If you’re asking how long does it take to get over a cheating spouse? The honest answer is—it depends. The pain won’t vanish overnight, but with the right mindset and support, you will recover.

You don’t have to navigate this journey alone. If you’re struggling to process your emotions or feel stuck in the aftermath of betrayal, CatchCheating offers infidelity counselling to help you make sense of your situation and regain clarity about your next steps.

Your healing starts with a choice—make that choice today!

Frequently Asked Questions About Getting Over A Cheating Spouse

Should I Forgive A Cheating Spouse?

Forgiveness is a personal choice. Some find peace in forgiving, whether or not they stay in the relationship. Others choose to move on without forgiving, and that’s okay, too.

Can A Relationship Survive Infidelity?

Yes, but it requires both partners to be committed to rebuilding trust. Open communication, counselling, and time are key factors in making a relationship work after infidelity.

What Are The Signs That I Am Healing?

Signs of healing include fewer emotional outbursts, acceptance of the past, rediscovering personal happiness, and the ability to make decisions without being clouded by pain.